T.M.I.

by Sarah on March 28, 2012 · 21 comments

Two times, in as many days, I found myself in a situation where I was telling my life story (in a roundabout nutshell) to a relative stranger. As may be evident by the fact that I have a blog, I am guilty of being an oversharer.* Somewhere during my 27 years spinning around the Sun, I lost any semblence of a filter on my personal revelations.

*as I told a receptionist on Monday after she asked me what I taught and received a tragic, 15-minute-long lament about the end of my fifth grade sub position…So, today, I might be found guilty of a little T.M.I. But “too much information” is a D.N.C (“does not compute”) command in my world. Yes, y’all, today T.M.I. might as well stand for Testing My Intestines, because the theme of this week’s What I Ate Wednesday post is just that: how much lactose can Miss Smart’s approximately seven meters of coiled digestive tissue handle? [I apologize in advance, Jenn.]My deal with dairy is a convoluted one. I went from a yogurt obsessed, ice cream addict to no-cheese-for-me vegan in a rather abrupt twenty-four hour span last October. Following my initial month (plus) as a vegan, I tested the waters of dairy consumption, only to be met with borderline violent pain and internal methane overload.

But, Sarah, what about that cheese I saw covering your childhood favorite yesterday?

The need for authenticity (and not to waste anything) aside, it turns out that succumbing to my pimiento cheese cravings last month only served to lead me down a slippery slope of dairy consumption. If I could eat pimiento cheese–forgetting, for the moment, that it is mosly mayonnaise–what else could I consume?Thus began my digestive enzyme poppin’ parade of dairy fun and (occasional mis) fortune.

Y’all know the frenemic* relationship I have with fro-yo. Turns out we are now more enemies than friends. (My resolve: “Two pills are better than one.”)

Oh how tasty...and torturous.

The Chobani Champions Vanilla Orange yogurt you saw above was one of the few I had left over from the company’s generous donation to my class. I couldn’t let them go to waste, right?

For some reason I thought that having the B.R.A.T.-approved banana involved would make things better on my system.Not so much. Let’s just say I had to speak louder during Social Studies so my kids could hear me talking about voting rights over the ‘rumbly in my tumbly.’*

*Best way to skirt awkward intestinal descriptions? Quote a cute and cuddly cartoon. Speaking of B.R.A.T., why is applesauce G.I.–and I don’t mean Joe–approved, but apples are–as I have come to learn–msot certainly not?

(They taste really good with Chobani Vanilla Chocolate Chunk Yogurt though.)

The day I ate Vanilla Chai Yogurt topped with banana, Honey Graham Clif Z Bar, and some of Liz‘s (highly addictive) Vegan Mocha Muffins I felt like I was in yogurt mess heaven.I’m not saying it wasn’t tasty and delicious….but the rest of the afternoon I experienced the same types of starts-with-bl-and-rhymes-with-moat and “Do we all need S.W.A.T.-approved masks for this?” symptoms one might get from pairing broccoli and lentils.Oddly enough, the night I substituted my standard almond milk for some yogurt in my bedtime bowl of cereal goodness, I had no uncomfortable Pepto-popping side effects.Pain DID result, however, when I got the not-so-genius idea to incorporate buttermilk into my morning bowl of oatmeal.Any of the pancake flavor I desired was quickly tainted with the flavor of mixed berry Tums.Using the rest of the buttermilk to make “Pizza Bread” was a MUCH better idea. [It's like Italian Soda Bread.]Although people had suggested I test the milky waters with goat’s milk, I wasn’t about to shell out $5.00 for so little product when I could end up writhing on the ground in pain. But, a conveniently timed “manager’s special” has taught me that goats and I just might get along, even without the aid of pills.*

*I KNEW there was a reason I wanted to raise a baby goat (aside from the fact that they are adorable…and a good topic for awkward first dates )!(Of course, drinking a tablespoon in my coffee was an entirely different story for my stomach than when I drank a straight cup of it one night–warm and SO tasty—but evocative of a not-exactly-sleep-inducing mild discomfort in the navel region.)

A bit in my (cereal) bowl worked out fine, though.

So, now, you might be wondering…where does this leave me and my intestinal tract? How am I feeling about dairy these days? Well, I definitely feel about it, if you know what I mean. I can tell, physically, a difference when I’ve been consuming  it and when I haven’t.

Generally, I feel better without it: less bloated, lighter, cleaner.

However, on the flip side, I do think it helps in my overall digestion…things run a bit smoother, if you will. But maybe I can count on kombucha for that?I probably won’t consciously buy anymore for awhile. Instead, I am hereby recommitting to the dairy-free lifestyle. [Vegan with (slightly less) Benefits? ;) ] I’ll be keeping the enzyme pills handy, though, because when you go to eat lunch at Arch’sHow can you pass up the free fro-yo (and gooey brownie!) that comes with your artichoke-heart topped spinach salad?

Gotta love Tuesdays at Arch’s. Much like you must love the trio of peanut butter, dulce de leche, and cake batter yogurt I have stashed in the freezer for later. (And will eat happily, even if it does leave me sleepless like the cheesy pasta I showed you yesterday.)And yes, I already have plans to go back next Tuesday. This may be for the free yogurt…or because I now have a schoolgirl crush on the yogurt guy. But we can save THAT conversation for a different kind of T.M.I. post. ;)

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Tiff @ Love Sweat and Beers March 28, 2012 at 5:16 am

Oh my – that’s a lot of dairy! haha I don’t think I’d be able to turn down the brownie and froyo either – salad or no salad!

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Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table March 28, 2012 at 6:43 am

Ohhhh… you must have wanted to die after all that dairy! It all looks like worthwhile experimentation… particularly that delisicousness with the mocha muffin on top. #love

yeah, I just hash tagged a blog comment. #loser

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Lauren @ What Lauren Likes March 28, 2012 at 7:16 am

I could never turn down free fro-yo! Happy wiaw :)

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Fran@ Broken Cookies Don't Count March 28, 2012 at 7:59 am

It’s a shame that you have all of these issues with milk/yogurt, etc. I’ve never experienced it, but I hear it can be quite painful. Maybe staying away from it is your best bet. The artichoke salad looks tasty!

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blackhuff March 28, 2012 at 8:12 am

Yes, you have consumed a lot of dairy but heck, it’s not every day a girl eat Froyo :)

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kath March 28, 2012 at 8:46 am

Hilariously written post!!

And how did I not know this about Arch’s!?

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Sarah March 28, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I don’t know if it is all Arch’s or just the one on Ivy…but it is the most AMAZING deal! Plus, you have just had a salad and feel much more legitimate about inhaling gooey brownie. :)

Want to meet Elizabeth and I next Tuesday???

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kath March 28, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Yeah, I can meet then! What time? So ice cream is free with the purchase of a lunch?

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Rachel @ My Naturally Frugal Family March 28, 2012 at 9:17 am

That is a lot of dairy…I feel a lot of mucus and I didn’t even eat it.

I am glad you are reaffirming your vegan ways…I think it will do your insides a great deal of good :)

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Anna @ On Anna's Plate March 28, 2012 at 9:55 am

I don’t really have problems with dairy, but if I go overboard, I can definitely feel it. But Froyo is WORTH it!!! ;-)

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Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean March 28, 2012 at 10:01 am

bahaha testing my intestines..LOVE it!

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Tessa @ Amazing Asset March 28, 2012 at 10:29 am

Pheww that is a lot of dairy but to be honest, I have a whole lot myself sometimes! plus free frozen yogurt? Well you cannot possibly turn that down :)

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Tricia @ Saving room for dessert March 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Love your honesty! Always have. Who else can make tummy troubles so enjoyable to read about! Not that having the trouble was enjoyable … you know what I mean! Sorry about the issues. I seem to have trouble with wheat flour alternatives such as coconut flour, rice flour, all purpose flour substitute. Not a happy tummy – that stuff just lays in my stomach like lead.

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Liz @ IHeartVegetables March 28, 2012 at 1:51 pm

You’re brave for testing the waters, knowing that it could potentially result in, uh, “dietary disaster”

Don’t you love Kroger’s Manager Specials? I’m always snagging veggies and things on the brink of going bad, but since I gobble them up so fast, it works.

No sweet frog?! Nooooo. It’s my faaaavorite!

Let’s granola swap soon. I still have some dairy-free enjoy life chocolate chips to use!

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Becca @ Blueberry Smiles March 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I feel better without dairy too…..but can never turn down occasional fro yo!

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Meredith March 28, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I came in here through WIAW and… oh man! Arch’s!! I’m pretty sure if I had known about that deal, I would have eaten there every Tuesday when I was an undergrad. Good thing I’m about two hours north of Charlottesville these days, or I would see a lot of brownie batter in my future! I love the post!

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Tt in nyc March 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Hmmmmm… Looks like you are learning the hard way how much lactose you can handle! Yikes. Do you/have you taken a probiotics supplement before? Its just a few billion (literally) good bugs for your tummy- i took them for a bit after i was last sick but then noticed how much more happy my tummy was day to day, less indigestion/bloating/gas etc. May be worth helping your tummy manage lactose tolerance experiments :)

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teabagginit March 29, 2012 at 3:51 pm

omg, i lol’d @ ur tmi post! btw, i hate milk/cheese so i can’t quite relate but i luv yogurt, so dairy n-zymes are basically my bff.
:) couldn’t help it.

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Healthiful Balance March 29, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Your blog posts always make me smile. Pretty random, but it had to be said. :)

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Katie @ Nutrition in a Peanut Shell March 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Boo- I feel bad for you! (In a non-snooty way, eek) Yogurt is seriously the highlight of my day, especially if I throw chocolate in it. I’m sure you’ll manage just fine though…and there are tons of non-dairy alternatives out there! Good luck!

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Emily April 1, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Wow Cow flavors at Arch’s are dairy free (LOVE the Angel Food Cake!) so you can enjoy ice cream pain free!

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