Why I’m Still Single

by Sarah on July 23, 2011 · 15 comments

Things NOT to Do on a First Date:

1. Talk about how you once ate a pig’s brain and that you’d probably be willing to eat other animal’s brains. Except for maybe a goat’s, because your new goal in life is to own a miniature goat and keep it like a puppy.
2. Talk about how much you love baby goats.
3. Upon discovering that your date once drove through Iowa, reveal your long-held desire to visit the Iowa State Fair, simply because your favorite musical of all time is State Fair. [Make sure to specify that you mean the stage version, NOT the film.] Reveal that once you drove 15 miles into Oklahoma, just so you could sing “Oklahoma!” and that you wish your life were like High School Musical. [Not Glee. High School Musical.]
4. If time permits, sing a song from the musical.
5. Declare that you cannot live without coffee, yogurt, and ice cream; learn that your date can’t drink coffee and is lactose intolerant.
6. Mutter something about really needing a man who can grill. Look up and ask, “Do you grill?” to which the response will most likely be “No.”
7. Never remove your foot from your mouth.
8. Ask if your date knows what pimiento cheese is and/or eats sweet potatoes, and seriously judge his worth based on the response.
9. Talk about how much you love Adam Richman and that in the end, your stepmom and sister have started a campaign to get the two of you married, so this whole “dating thing” is really unnecessary.

10. Lick the plate. Literally.

Oops.

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie July 23, 2011 at 9:41 am

I just happened across your blog, and I must say that's the first time someone has really made me laugh

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Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table July 23, 2011 at 9:45 am

#5 reminds of of the time I went on a date with a strict raw foodist who was a recovering addict and therefore didn't drink. Needless to say, we only went out the one time.

#10 kind of makes me want to ask you to dinner. :)

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Mary @ Bites and Bliss July 23, 2011 at 10:09 am

hahaha! I love the sweet potato one. Seriously, food questions were some of the first that I asked Michael! Fortunately he loves everything I do. :P

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cinnamonalicious July 23, 2011 at 11:49 am

hahahahah oh so THAT'S why I'm single too!LOL!
I love number 6! :)

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Alex@Spoonful of Sugar Free July 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Your so funny!

And you haven't been to the Iowa State Fair??! GASP! It is only the best state fair in the country! I lived my entire childhood in Des Moines-went to the fair every year. Saw the butter cow, rode the rides, saw the GINORMOUS pumpkins, pigs, and people :P Seriously, best fair ever. If you think every fair has "food on a stick" you'll be surprised about Iowa. It has everything all the other fairs have-and more.

Funny sister about my lil sis when she was 10 yrs old:

Talking to a girl at a tennis tournament in California,

sister: where are you from?
Girl: Anaheim
Sister: What's there?
girl: Oh…Disneyland. Have you ever been to Disneyland?
Sister: No. Have you ever been to the Iowa State Fair?

And she was completely serious…Oh my sister….

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Tricia @ Saving room for dessert July 23, 2011 at 6:16 pm

I read this to my husband and he said "sounds like the guy is a metrosexual. Most real men would probably have been fine with most of your list but would especially like No. 10. Perhaps you should work on your technique :) Hey – I'm just typing it! Love ya blog daughter.

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Sonia July 23, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Hi…just came across your blog. This is funny stuff! I actually did mention my love for baby goats on my first (and second and third) dates with my current boyfriend..we're almost at 5 years now!

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Emma @ Getting There & Going Places July 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Haha funny post!
But I must say I don't quite agree with you! :P
Because in the end, who wants to go on a second date with a guy that doesn't appreciate baby goats anyway?! ;)

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Emma @ Getting There & Going Places July 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Haha funny post!
But I must say I don't quite agree with you! :P
Because in the end, who wants to go on a second date with a guy that doesn't appreciate baby goats anyway?! ;)

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Emma @ Getting There & Going Places July 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Haha funny post!
But I must say I don't quite agree with you! :P
Because in the end, who wants to go on a second date with a guy that doesn't appreciate baby goats anyway?! ;)

Reply

Emma @ Getting There & Going Places July 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Haha funny post!
But I must say I don't quite agree with you! :P
Because in the end, who wants to go on a second date with a guy that doesn't appreciate baby goats anyway?! ;)

Reply

divinelykatherine July 23, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Love you so much!

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Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean July 24, 2011 at 9:40 am

haha you are the cutest :) any guy would be lucky to have you! ps i WILL write soon, promise. xoxo

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Lele July 24, 2011 at 10:51 pm

It was necessary for me to teach my (midwestern) boy that sweet potatoes can in fact exist without a marshmallow topping. And now sweet potatoes are really kind of an important part of our relationship. You deserve similar awesomeness!

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atastelife July 25, 2011 at 9:28 am

I totally judge people that don't like or don't know of pimiento cheese and/or sweet potatoes. NOT boyfriend material.

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