Loser Like Me

by Sarah on May 16, 2011 · 21 comments

Remember that time Blogger was down for 24 hours and it was like we’d reached blog-gedon, with nerves skyrocketing as people wondered if they’d ever be able to post or comment again? And somehow, even though I was “working” I managed to check every 10 minutes to see if I was still going to see the horrid “Blogger service is temporarily unavailable” message? And THEN my Chai Nut (Tea) Butter post vanished into the abyss of the underworld (also known as Internet blog-atory) and I had to rewrite it? [No, Meri, you weren't crazy. You did read that post. You did comment.]

Yeah, last Friday was rough.

Anyways, I was so focused on getting the word out about Stamp Out Hunger that I neglected to inform you that my lovely work was up as s a guest post for one of my favorite bloggers, Eden [not like 'The Garden of'] over at Eden’s Eats.

I’m not sure how we found each other in this crazy land of blogging, but it certainly was destiny.

I’m re-posting it here because 1) many of y’all don’t have twitter and wouldn’t have known to check her blog on Friday to read my wise words of snarkiness (with a smile)…2) y’all might not read her blog, which is a travesty in itself and you should—so now you will^…and 2) I’m lazy and I was not struck with genius for today’s blog post [slash] uploading pictures is taking forever.
^I know you do, Susan..and way to embrace loserdom! ;)

Also, I’m awesome. And this much awesome needs to be posted as many times as possible.*
*Kidding… :)

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Howdy y’all! Greetings from the happy place* we call Austin, Texas…home to endless food trailers and Tex-Mex cantinas, an inordinate number of both hipsters and cowboys, the mecca that is Whole Foods and farmers’ markets of all sizes…but most importantly, me and my blog, The Smart Kitchen.
*That does not exist only in my mind, and does not require hallucinogenics to get there.

I’m super excited to be able to do a guest post on Eden’s blog…because I’m sort of obsessed with it. I feel like being called up to the big leagues of blog losers and being allowed to fill in for its star.

Yes, I just called us both blog losers.

Wait, Sarah, what’chu talkin’ bout woman?
Are you insulting the person who’s letting you post on her beloved blog?

Yes,yes I am. And I know she doesn’t care, because she pushed publish.
Yes, y’all. I am a blog loser. (And not only because I say things like “Howdy y’all” and “super excited.”) I tried valiantly to fit into the healthy living blog world, but relatively quickly realized that just wasn’t going to happen…so I’ve accepted my place as an outcast, a misfit, and underdog who tries to be snarky but cannot keep down her innate nerdiness and knows that she will never be the popular girl….but will make it out alive anyway.

Much like a character on Glee. Hence the blog post title.
[Loser qualities #564-566? I am a Gleek. And I love Gossip Girl. And once did a whole post that was just a picture of Zac Efron. What now?]

I once wrote a post about how blogging in this “healthy living” community is like being in high school…and today I’m going to address the reasons I am, and will always be, a loser at Sweet Blogger High, and tell you how you can be one too.

And, so you don’t get confused, I’m sticking with Eden’s style (and one I utilize on many occasions): the almighty list. Oooooh, let’s call it the LOSER LIST! [And yes, I just did a little happy dance, complete with hand claps and squeals at the thought of alliterating the list.]

How To Be A (Blogging) Loser Like Me
(Volume One)

Do happy dances, complete with hand claps and squeals at the thought of being able to alliterate a list (or blog post title, or recipe…or anything really). Basically, do a lot of happy dances.

Don’t buy organic. Dude, who has the money? My dad is a biochemist who studies pesticides and HE doesn’t even buy organic. So, well, what’s the point? Also, don’t worry about buying local. Damn the man (save the Empire!) who tries to tell you that you shouldn’t want to eat pineapple or watermelon even if you live in, say, North Dakota. [And if you live in Texas, you can make the case that Mexico IS local.]
Don’t wash your grapes. Equate ‘rinsing’ with washing. Don’t worry too much about germs. Or expiration dates.

Eat the same thing every day. You’ll never escape loserdom if you do this. No one wants to see three thousand shots of the same salad (with alternating proteins) packed in your Tup-faux-ware container that you take with you to work five days of the week. And seriously? Cottage cheese and hummus are NOT all that attractive.Go to work. Seriously…you will always be a loser in the blog world if you dedicate your life to anything else. [I just got laid off...so I'm thinking blog stardom isn't far behind!]

Have only one set of dishware and no fun-and-fancy placemats. I pretty much photograph my food on the same few plates and in the same few bowls. I’m not made of money.

Eat unbalanced meals. I mean, if you’re going to buy three $1.99 watermelons in one week and make Chai Nut (Tea) Butter, clearly “dinner” that night is going to involve half of a watermelon and three-to-twenty spoonfuls of nut butter.Eat meat. And like it. [Seriously, there is nothing that will outcast you more than piping into a conversation with the phrase, "So the night when I ate pig brain..." or "I really only like to eat hamburger buns if the meat juice has really soaked into it."]
Give up oatmeal. [Six months where the closet thing to oatmeal I've had was oat flour in a sponge cake recipe...I'm destined for failure in this world.]

Don’t drink green monsters. You’ll never fit in if you can’t talk about how great drinking your breakfast is. [Only losers think you have to chew to be satisfied.]

Speaking of drinking…Drink. Coffee! Diet Coke! Fizzy water! Or–gasp!–tequila…*
*But only if you are over 21 years of age.

Care very little about “being green.” It might be my favorite color, but aside from recycling, I have no interest in composting or making my own kitchen cleaners from all-natural ingredients. In fact, I have no real interest in even cleaning the kitchen in the first place.

Hate running. Or, at the very least, don’t understand how people can run so much and for so long.* Go to the gym and do the same routine every day and week. Consider going home if you forget your new issue of US Weekly or the TVs are broken and you can’t watch The Real Housewives.
*To my dear marathon-running friends: I applaud your dedication. It just makes me an outcast.

Eat processed, packaged foods. I believe Cool Whip and Lucky Charms are real foods. Real good..Love Adam Richman and Michael Pollan in equal amounts. Yes, I have a huge crush on a man who gorges himself on fried, greasy, would-make-me-ill food for a living. I don’t care what you say…I want to eat everywhere he has, and I associate cities with restaurants in which he has eaten. I also believe wholeheartedly in Michael Pollan‘s mantra of “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Hey, you can’t be an emo-loser without some internal struggle between good and evil, right?
Don’t have too many deep thoughts. Aside from my occasional soapbox post about school lunches and childhood nutrition, I really don’t blog about anything too serious. The most you can ever hope to learn from me is what a persimmon is, or how to cut a pineapple. [Even then, I suggest wearing the fronds as a hat...so I'm not sure how enlightening that really is.] If you never take a stand lambasting anyone and everyone who opens a bag of potato chips or occasionally eats fast food, you’ll never be a blog star.

Be a flagrant self-promoter. I use my blog as an excuse to do ridiculous things and take awkward pictures of myself. I’ve never stood up in a restaurant and screamed “I AM A FOOD BLOGGER! BRING ME FREE DESSERT!” but my book light and tendency to stand up in between tables to get just the right angle pretty much screams, “Look at me!” I love to drop my business card. No high-and-mighty, “I’m doing this just for fun” outlooks here. It IS fun to blog. But it’s also fun to get free food. And go to free blogger dinners and parties.
Don’t read “popular” blogs. I’ve met many of the more ‘famous’ bloggers, and some of them I even developed legit friendships with. But I don’t regularly read their blogs. I like to stick with my people…the losers like me.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Lindsay @ the lean green bean May 16, 2011 at 7:03 am

Loved this post. So true. Love being a blog loser with you!

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Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life) May 16, 2011 at 8:21 am

Haha- too cute! guess I'm bound to be huge since I like local and organic, but then again, I also don't have fancy plates or place mats, I eat nachos and Mexican like I'll never have the opportunity to again, and the 5k I ran might as well been a marathon- that's how it felt to me! :)

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Cooking With Abandon May 16, 2011 at 8:53 am

This is funny because it's true! Love it!

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Maria May 16, 2011 at 9:41 am

If this is what being a blog loser is, then you can count me in. I wouldn't want to be anything else!

I shall continue to eat my non-organic watermelon in January.

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Jacqui May 16, 2011 at 10:07 am

Love the list

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Whitney May 16, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Hi Sarah – I've been following your blog for a while now! I really appreciate your unabashed enthusiasm for food and for your willingness to be authentically YOU, even (especially?) when that involves making fun of yourself :) .

I've chosen this moment to 'de-lurk,' though, because this most recent post seems almost as much at mocking the "popular" bloggers as it is about being proud of being a "blogging loser." My hope is that this wasn't your intended to demean the marathon-running, green-monster-blending, oatmeal-eating, meat-forsaking bloggers whose sites I (and, doubtless, many of your other readers) also enjoy.

There is plenty of room and love in the blogosphere for all, and I don't think it's necessary to diminish the interests and passions of other bloggers in pursuit of your own voice. I would never compare your blog with another – I read the blogs I do because each is unique, fun, and interesting! – and hope that in your continuing quest to be true to yourself and to embrace the quirks that distinguish you from others, you will also be mindful not to (intentionally or unintentionally) belittle others. One of the things that I love most about food/healthy living bloggers is the respect that everyone seems to have for one another. Please keep it positive :) .

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Tiff @ Love, Sweat, and Beers May 16, 2011 at 12:24 pm

This was a good one! I loved reading your post. In fact, I hope I remember to link up to it tomorrow because my readers might like it too. Ooooh and yes, Lucky Charms are reaaal gooood

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jill May 16, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I am a wanna be blog loser who just had fudge for breakfast. Wait, I love running…am I disqualified!? :)

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Mary @ Bites and Bliss May 16, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Gotta say, I love this post. You tell it like it is!! and for that, we thank you. ;)

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Tricia @ Saving room for dessert May 16, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Yup that was my first blogger meltdown, then I realized I should enjoy the time doing something else. Amazing how much can get done around the house when I can't blog! Snarkiness – I wish I had that recipe. It looks so easy when you whip it up. A pinch of this, a shake of that and you have a whole delicious pot of snark in no time flat. Snark-queen extraordinaire!

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tehstotehara May 16, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I don't know lady, you seem to be getting more and more comments all the time. ;)

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Maris (In Good Taste) May 16, 2011 at 4:38 pm

This post is so cute! I love hoe you write! far from loser!

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Nicole@HeatOvenTo350 May 16, 2011 at 9:18 pm

I break a lot of those rules, and I keep a lot of them, too. (I love having an excuse to buy pretty dishes!) I love that there's a food blog for everyone's tastes, and I learn so much from each one that I follow. I just love all the different perspectives. I'm glad that there are "losers" like you that are proud to do your own thing, as well as the non-"losers" that also share their food experiences, too.

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Tricia @ Saving room for dessert May 17, 2011 at 6:57 am

Did Maris just call you a love hoe?

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lovesweatandbeers May 17, 2011 at 8:14 am

I linked to your post today! Such a good one.

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Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table May 17, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Funniest. Shit. Ever. I know we just met, but I think I love you.

Just don't go to my blog because I just posted an in-season watermelon salad. But I DID add cheese and jalapeno… :)

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marie May 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Your honesty is so refreshing. Just be yourself, I too have had nothing but watermelon and crackers for dinner.

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Lindsey @ Morningstar Project May 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm

I don't know how I was unaware of your blog until recently, clearly I've been reading way too many blogs that have about 852 comments on every post concerning their shared love for oatmeal.

This post was awesome and just what I needed. Is it bad I want to scream when I see a post start with "Hello my lovely blogger peeps! Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend! Kisses!" Ugh. I like my readers too but not to the point I want to make out with them. I suppose I will always fall in the loser blogging group. Way more fun that way.

PS – The fact you quoted Empire records places you high in my book.

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iheartvegetables August 1, 2011 at 7:37 am

Oh. My. Gosh. I can't tell you how much I LOVE this post. (Love the empire records reference, ha.)

I totally feel like this sometimes, when I'm chugging a diet coke, or not getting the proper amount of sleep, or when I skip a day at the gym.

THANK YOU for this post :)

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Calee May 25, 2013 at 11:13 am

thanks for linking back to this because I clearly missed it. who ARE you lady? obviously we all change, but i think you have really lost yourself. It’s cool that you picked up some things that you truly like, but it’s really, really hard to sort out what you like from what you’re supposed to like.

i’m having such a hard time remembering that i like the things that i like and doing them right now because there’s so much pressure on me to “supposed” to like them and “supposed” to do them. like running. i love running, but i can’t go as far or as fast as i used to and since i post every workout i feel like a complete running loser right now and it makes me not want to do it.

i feel like i’m mediocre at everything, and i hate it, so instead of doing everything because i like it, i quit doing stuff because i can’t be “the best” at it anymore.

i do know i need a change of scenery … so that should hopefully help.

also, that picture of you with the turkey leg … lol

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